Reference:   Shueisha bunko 3, 317-331 (tankoubon 6);   not in anime

[ André checks his appearance in the mirror, then glances at the two wine glasses he prepared. ]

André:

{{ Oh God, please forgive me!   Forgive me ... For I have chosen a love that cannot be consummated in this world, only in heaven. Please have mercy on me. I love her ... I can't help loving her. Please have mercy on me ... As I will soon be ruined by my own foolish sins ... Even though there's still love that can't be consummated in death. Why?   Why did God let me live until now? Why am I still living? Just to see you become another man's wife? Is that why God left me with one eye? This is too cruel! Oscar ... We've never been apart since childhood. And we will die together like this. I won't let you suffer. I will embrace you tightly until the final moment. Until the moment your life gives out ... I will make sure that you die in my boundless love. Please forgive me ... }} [ pours poison into the wine ] Oh God!   send me to hell! Then please send my beloved to heaven!

 

[ knock knock ]

André:	Oscar!
Oscar:	André?   Come in!

[ André discovers Héloïse on the table. * ]

Oscar:	Hu hu ... [ wipes tears ] I don't know why.   I can't seem to stop crying. I didn't think it was any good when I first read it. But now, but now ... Why, André? Since then I can't stop crying, as if something has gripped my heart.
André:	I brought you some wine.
Oscar:	Oh, merci.
André:	Let's have a toast.
Oscar:	You're acting quite strange today. What's with this formality?
André:	Oscar, have you said your prayers tonight?
Oscar:	Un-huh ...
André:	Good.
Oscar:	But really, why am I crying like this ...
André:	{{ My Oscar ... }}
Oscar:	People tend to return to their childhood selves as they lay dying. But why do I remember only things from those days? Back then I was trying so desperately to grow up ... By the King's order, I was selected for the Palace Guards before I even finished officer training (/military school).   I was so happy then. When I was chosen to wait on Lady Antoinette as her private guard, I was just as thrilled. Oh, as Father said, I was supposed to protect our beautiful darling, the Crown Princess and the future Queen of France ... even if it cost me my life. Oh mine, with this kind of thinking, I surely won't live for long!
André:	[ flashback to his younger self ] {{ I will gladly give up my life for you someday, just as you've risked your life for me today. Someday I will risk my life for you! }} {{ Ah! Don't drink the wine! }} Don't drink the wine, Oscar! Don't drink!   Don't drink!
Oscar:	Wah!
André:	[ knocks glass out of Oscar's hands ] Don't drink! Thank God ... [ tears fall on Oscar's cheeks ] {{ What was I thinking? How could I have been so selfish? I ... I ... I ... Oh God, what sort of man have I become? What right do I have to take away your life?   (lit. (physical) life and (way of) life) How could I have been so selfish? }}
Oscar:	André?
André:	Uh ... it's my fault. Stay away from the glass.   It's quite sharp. Don't worry, I'll clean up the floor soon. [ cuts his hand ]
Oscar:	André!   Oh dear, your hand ...
André:	Stay away! I ... I'll bring you another glass soon. [ leaves room ] {{ Oh, oh Oscar! You're alive!   You're alive! I never thought you could look as beautiful as you do now ... Alive, flowing with blood ... I can hear the beating of your heart ... see your rose-colored fingers ... golden hair ... glimmering like the rising sun of Mt. Olympus! I'll protect you! Ah ... I'll protect you!   Until the end of my life! }}
Oscar:	{{ André ... André ...   Oh God ... What if he ... }}

 

* [ La Nouvelle Héloïse, written by Jean-Jacques Rousseau, is a romance novel that idealizes the tragic love between a noblewoman and her commoner lover.   The lovers are forced apart when Julie, the noblewoman, is married off to another nobleman.   While Julie's husband allows St. Preux her lover to accompany her, the lovers live in a constant struggle between their desires and sensibilities against adultery.   Finally, at her deathbed, Julie prays for the consummation of their love in heaven. ]

 

In the manga, André struggles to overcome his selfish instincts and learns to offer unconditional love to Oscar.   This scene illustrates another step in his progression to manhood.   Inspired by La Nouvelle Héloïse, André decides that if he can't have Oscar in this life, he might as well try to win her in death.   Yet what he doesn't realize is that the lovers in the novel are mutually in love.   Love is not a one-way street.   And it would be selfish of him to force his wish on someone who doesn't love him (not yet anyway).   This scene also makes Oscar realize the intensity of André's love, which later prompts her to speak to Gerodère.

While somewhat mortified, I like this scene because it makes André seem very human.   It's quite true that people who are in love tend to do irrational things in spite of themselves.   André's possessiveness and jealousy are thus convincing.

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